


The ART of LOOOOOOOOOOVE

by Ealasaid, writeyourownstory



Series: Hallmark Channel [1]
Category: 1917 (Movie 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Artist AU, Chatlogs, Inspired by Hallmark Movies, LMAO, Light-Hearted, M/M, Sarcasm, chatfic, just Hallmark, not even Christmas movies, painter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27237265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ealasaid/pseuds/Ealasaid, https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourownstory/pseuds/writeyourownstory
Summary: Will Schofield is a painter who owns his own paint shop.  The man of his dreams walks in the door, and the rest . . . goes on to live ininfamy.
Relationships: Lieutenant Richards/William Schofield, William Schofield/Benjamin Richards, William Schofield/Captain Smith
Series: Hallmark Channel [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988683
Kudos: 2





	The ART of LOOOOOOOOOOVE

**Author's Note:**

> So this whole thing started with -- well, it's in the first few comments. Essentially, this is a transcription of a chat wherein your two loving authors rewrote a Hallmark movie for 1917, complete with emojis, shit-aside commentary, and general hilarity. So, CHATFIC AHOY! Enjoy!

**butler is boo:** How is your morning babe?

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Lol! Lazy, I juuuust woke up  
How about yours?

 **butler is boo:** I’m at my granny’s today, just got here and watching our usual Hallmark  
Spent the whole morning beforehand snuggling Sasha and watching Starkids on YouTube with my data that apparently works best in the mornings

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Oooo  
Lmao Hallmark  
What's the 1917 casting for this movie?

 **butler is boo:** Hmmmm  
Will is the female protagonist  
Smith is the guy she _thinks_ she’s gonna end up with  
(He’s an ok guy, not a jerk just generic)  
Aaaaaand  
Ben is the guy she gonna end up with  
Cause he’s a flirt and jokey and corny

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** LOL YES  
**YES**

 **butler is boo:** It’s actually an ok one—haven’t seen it yet but it’s better than most of the reg shitty ones

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** 👏👏👏  
Huzzah!  
What is the female protag's job?

 **butler is boo:** She a painter and owns her own paint shop

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** yep, Will

 **butler is boo:** The guy she thinks she’s gonna end up with seems to have apparently stepped right out of one of her paintings and she’s like “it’s fate!”

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** ohohoho

 **butler is boo:** But like, the guy I know she’s gonna end up with keeps flirting with her (he’s a botanical garden dude) and he’s also her best friends brother  
Wait  
Maybe he’s Joseph....  
Eh he has Ben’s personality tho

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** 😂  
He's bffs with Joseph and Will knows them through Tom

 **butler is boo:** Yeah that works 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Tom's Will's bff

 **butler is boo:** Oh obviously, that bro-ship never sinks  
Ooooo girls going on a first date with “fate guy”  
Wow. Everything about this “fate guy” keeps checking all her boxes for like “wow this is totally fate”  
He’s apparently a big art critic or some shit  
This is so stupid 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** OOOO  
he offers potential for her CAREER  
gotta love a man who does that

 **butler is boo:** Oooooo BUT he’s a judge for the art contest she had to win

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** ohhhh  
hmmm

 **butler is boo:** Conflict of interest!  
Now she gotta scramble to paint something else cause her painting looks too much like him  
_what am I watching_

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Oh my god  
See  
Here  
This part  
This is when Will would go to the pub with Tom and just be like "wtf is my life"

 **butler is boo:** Right???

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** cue Joe and Ben showing up

 **butler is boo:** OOOOO

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Joe snorting half his pint out his nose

 **butler is boo:** 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Ben sniggering through the peanuts  
They get shit-faced and put it to a vote  
Will can paint either Joe or Ben (Tom's too cute to be a sex god, according to the group consensus)

 **butler is boo:** 😂  
(Tom is very incredulous over that)

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** (VERY)  
(wounded! Offended! He pulls plenty)

 **butler is boo:** Oh geez—bffs brother showed up at her apartment and now they’re painting each other’s faces and now she’s in his arms and they’re laughing

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** wat

 **butler is boo:** Right?

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Okay

 **butler is boo:** She a player

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Oh boy  
Okay 1917 version -- Ben shows up claiming that he won the vote and Will was too shit-faced to remember

 **butler is boo:** 😂😂😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Will's like 😒 but w/e, he's got the day off

 **butler is boo:** And he needs to paint _something_ and he’s only got 4 days  
(Seriously, give me hallmark rights and I’ll make it gay as shit)  
(With a slightly better script too cause this writing is ssssshhhhhhiiiit.)

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** yes!!  
(He was v hungover and contemplating attempting a sexy arrangement of broken flowerpots)  
So since Ben shows up _far too cheerful_ BUT he's also cooking something in the kitchen that is deliciously greasy  
Will's like "okay ugh gimme a min"

 **butler is boo:** 👏😏

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** they spend an amiable midday and afternoon painting  
Ben keeps jokingly asking if he looks more like a sex god in _this_ position or _that_ light

 **butler is boo:** 😂😂😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** By the end of it, Will's like 😳

 **butler is boo:** “Damn I think I like him”

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** (But not externally)  
(Internally)  
(And maybe there's this one moment where Ben's a little too serious asking those questions and they share a moment of intense eye contact)

 **butler is boo:** (Also fate guy is showing his true colors—very dismissive of her painting goals and is like “well, you need to think about long term finances and shit)

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Oh fate guy is a douche

 **butler is boo:** _yes  
_They always are douches like  
None of them are likable _  
_

**Lt. Richards is bae:** 😩  
She's still determined to win, though, right?

 **butler is boo:** Oh yes she def it

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** show him up for how good she is?

 **butler is boo:** She basically broke up with him nicely

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Awwww  
Yesss  
And nOW  
WILL is INVESTED

 **butler is boo:** She also got home to bff brother fixing her garden and he gave her some orchids that have inspired her to paint  
Sooooooooo

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** o.O  
well okay

 **butler is boo:** Ben totally starts wooing Will _hard_

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** lol yes  
Will comes back all energized, like "We're going to make you look like fucking Adonis"

 **butler is boo:** WITH ORCHIDS!

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Ben, wounded: "What, am I that bad?"

 **butler is boo:** 😂😂😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Will: "Not in the slightest, but I need you naked please"

 **butler is boo:** WOOOOOOO

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** "Strip!"

 **butler is boo:** YOW!

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Ben, initially 😳 and then 😏

 **butler is boo:** Seriously give us rights to hallmark! We can make it SO GAY  
Dem lil ol ladies will be SCANDALIZED  
So Ben strips aaaannnddddd

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** By how SEXY everyone is!!!!  
Will sets him up in like, sexy god poses  
with um, artfully placed orchids

 **butler is boo:** 👏👏👏

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** that do NOTHING

 **butler is boo:** Gotta include the orchids  
_pink_ orchids btw

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** because he didn't put them ANYWHERE NEAR what you'd think he'd be using them for  
nope

 **butler is boo:** 😂😂😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Nope, _that_ spot is lovingly rendered  
in exquisite detail

 **butler is boo:** YES

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Highlighting how . . . ehem, godlike this other man is

 **butler is boo:** 👏👏👏👏

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** (Ben, meanwhile, has fallen asleep at this point)  
(it's like a reclining pose)

 **butler is boo:** OMFG 😂  
I have the image in my head and he’s like, snoring with his mouth wide open and legs spread 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** yep  
Yep yep yep

 **butler is boo:** 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Anyway Will looks at the painting and is like "hmmm"  
looks at Ben  
"Well, at least I know we'd have fantastic sex"  
goes over wakes up Ben with a forehead smooch all "you can stay the night if you like but put on some clothes at least"

 **butler is boo:** 😂😂😂  
(Oooo btw, fate guy is being persistent and girls not liking it and neither is bff bro cause he’s jelly and now he’s trying to wine and dine her at her house to get her to like him)   
(Ooooooooo bff bro has confessed to her and she’s like “well, idk if you’ll like me next week cause you a flirt” and he’s like “no I like YOU” and she’s like “let me think about it” and now its awkward)

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** wow  
she's very inconsistent

 **butler is boo:** Right?

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** I like ours better

 **butler is boo:** SAME  
Waaaaay more sexy

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** RIGHT  
And also more character

 **butler is boo:** _yes_

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Side scene of Joe and Ben at the pub where Joe's like "so have you made your move yet orrr"  
and Ben's like "I don't think I needed to, honestly, he basically came in and had me strip down and then let me stay the night after like eight straight hours of painting when I fell asleep on his couch"

 **butler is boo:** And Joe’s like:.......ok then  
Joe: skipped some steps, buuuuut ok

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** LMAO EXACTLY  
"So what, he convinced himself he likes you by . . . staring at you for 8 hours?"  
Ben, sipping his drink with a contemplative expression: "just wait until you see the painting, mate"

 **butler is boo:** I mean. I’d only need like 1min but 😂  
😂😂😂  
Only because my brain would fizz out for like 55 secs and then reboot and be like “Yep, this is it. I’m done”  
😂😂😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** RIGHT  
Cue the art show  
Fancy opening night with wine and charcuterie 'n shit  
Tom and Joe show up and are just flabbergasted  
Tom, uncomfortably: "is it just me, or does Ben suddenly seem, like . . . fit?"  
Joe, staring blankly ahead: "I'd say I'm seeing him in a whole new light, but now I need some wine and I'm not sure I want to remember seeing him in a whole new light"

 **butler is boo:** 👏👏👏👏

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Ben, sidling up to them: leans in real close to Joe and whispers "Told you" in his ear  
Joe jumps through the roof and then just has this look of betrayal  
Tom is seized by a coughing fit

 **butler is boo:** Omg 😂  
Ben is such a little shit

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Will shows up  
he's at this internal stage of where he no longer expects to win in the slightest and is just pissed off but is like "Fuck it. My revenge is this painting"

 **butler is boo:** YAS WILL YASSSS

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** So he just like looks at it so satisfied and is like "right lads, let's drink all their wine and have a good time"  
Tom is just grinning ear to ear

 **butler is boo:** 🙌 WOOOOOO

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** he's still vaguely uncomfortably attracted to Ben now, but this is getting more and more hilarious

 **butler is boo:** Yes this is brilliant such hardcore pining but internally

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** ^^^  
Will shooes them away to go check out the rest of it  
Stands around answering questions about his own painting

 **butler is boo:** And there are A LOT of questions 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** (Ben makes sure to refill his wine glass whenever it runs dry)  
(Will goes from "thanks" to "thanks, mate" to "thanks, love")

 **butler is boo:** 😏 🥂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** (The people he's talking to at the time are suitably impressed)

 **butler is boo:** (I’m sure they are 😏)

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** (Am now contemplating how this ends 🤔)  
I suppose at the end of the evening the winners are announced  
and it's WILL  
and he's clearly so astounded that Tom and Joe and Ben have to push him forward and he has this deer in the headlights look for a moment because he'd convinced himself otherwise  
and also, charcuterie is not that great at offsetting the effects of like, four glasses of wine

 **butler is boo:** 😂😂😂  
(All the other contestants are like—“we could have painted nudes??”)

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Smith's the one giving him the award  
He's flirting hella hard  
like, firm handshake, intense eyefucking, innuendo

 **butler is boo:** But like, Will only has eyes for Ben  
And is like—“imma fuck that dude tonight”

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** LOL no not yet

 **butler is boo:** 😂😂😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Hold your horses, boo!

 **butler is boo:** Horses are held! Continue mam! 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Will graciously accepts everything and politely turns down the invitation  
accepts everyone's congratulations, is just like "oh my god I should not have drunk that much"  
Ben, who's standing right next to him in solidarity, is like "no worries, once this is over we'll go get you something to eat, yeah?"  
eventually they get out and Joe and Tom and Ben all do indeed get food and then take Will home (he is significantly less drunk but thoroughly exhausted)

 **butler is boo:** Oooooo  
(We have diverged so far from the movie like—it’s so much better already)

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** (GOOD)  
impulsively, Will is like "hey, you can stay the night" to Ben  
who gives him an exceedingly pleasant kiss that v much wakes Will back up

 **butler is boo:** WOOOOOO

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** and then pulls away and winks and is like "ask me again in the morning, love"

 **butler is boo:** ooooOOOO DAYUM! 😂

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** and Will is like ". . . huh"

 **butler is boo:** 👏👏👏

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** but when he wakes up in the morning the first thing he does is call Ben up and asks him over for dinner  
actually, wait  
No 😏  
He asks Ben over for _breakfast  
_Ben's like "what, now?" _  
_

**butler is boo:** 👀

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** Will's all "I meant tomorrow, but now's good too"

 **butler is boo:** YASSS

 **Lt. Richards is bae:** "In fact, come over for breakfast now and don't bother leaving. Then we can do tomorrow as well"  
and then they bang  
a lot, and with great enjoyment  
and two years later they are happily married, the end

\--:0:--

[Actual Hallmark ending: 

**butler is boo:** She doesn’t get a spot in the show cause bff bro comes to see her and is like “you’re better off with fate guy I’m moving on” so she ruins her painting that he inspired, THEN has an epiphany that she doesn’t need a man as a muse and paints herself, enters it in the show (cause magically there’s another spot open) and bff is there and says “oops sorry, I discouraged him from dating you” so she goes and finds bff bro and is like “I love you” and he’s like “I love you too wow!” And she wins and they kiss, the end!!  
So. Fucking. _Boring_.]

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 8/30. 
> 
> (This is legitimately my favorite of all the ones we've written. And it's the FIRST!!! 
> 
> ~ E)


End file.
